I get stares from people of all ages – I find people have a natural desire to categorize me before they speak to me, but I fuck up their ethnicity-determining algorithm somehow. Spanish speakers act surprised when I can’t answer back in Spanish.
Many people will make small talk just long enough to ask which tan-skinned parent I came from.
Koreans appear upset when I tell them my mother is South Korean and I don’t speak Korean. Korean children have casually referred to me as a “half-blood”. I think I sometimes react negatively to these behaviors because I assume, probably unfairly, that people are viewing me as a weird specimen they can’t fit into one of their little boxes. I try to remind myself that although some may desperately want me to conform to their expectations, they could simply just be intrigued by the things that make me special. This is something I can be proud of as an American. Being of combined South Korean and European-American heritage, I haven’t felt the need to groom myself into an easily digestible category: nerd; artist; sporty; funny; Korean (since this is America, being half “white” doesn’t let me choose “white” as a category)! I represent Mud-bloods United, lol!
I feel kindred to the world as my mixed heritage means I don’t have a pre-defined set of expected characteristics to adhere to.
In some ways that makes it hard for me because I don’t have a cheat sheet for how I’m supposed to be, or an easily defined group to join. On the other hand, it gives me the freedom to discover my own identity, free of existing constraints. I hope to see more people like me represented in media and politics, so that others like me, including my kids, will feel that they aren’t weird or alone.
During my travels outside of the country, it is astounding to learn how much soft power America has in the world. My biggest shock when I lived in Europe during college was learning how much Americans affect our world both positively and negatively. I am ashamed of the evil things we have done or allowed to happen, but that shame only exists because I know how much good we have done and how much more good we are capable of.
No country can match the United States in terms of getting things done – my hope is that I can play my small role in making sure those things are good.
I am proud that I live in a country where that hope is achievable. I don’t feel the need to wave a flag to feel American. My neighbors know me well so I don’t need to wave my flag in public, as it seems to come off as a pro-military thing. No disrespect towards the military intended, but I have mixed feelings for how powerful our military has become, and how it has been used, and I don’t want people to mistake my sincere patriotism for unconditional support of our government. I don’t see the need to display a flag in my own country to prove I love my country; and I don’t see the need to label houses as American – because we are in America!
For my kids, I want them to understand that we’ve all arrived here at different times, for different reasons, and are still arriving today.
I want to teach them that what it means to be American is always evolving, and, most importantly, that they have a say in figuring out what being an American means to them.
I think my greatest influence on them as a parent, is how I can help them set a growth mindset. I don’t want them to feel defeat when they fail at something they’ve only begun. I do want them to willingly admit to their mistakes without fear, and to become inspired on their own without feeling the need to please me.
I want to see them wake up happy with music, tickles, and jokes before I see them off into the world without the negativity and stress parents often dump onto kids.
Interviewed on 1.21.18
What do you think?