Managing the Mental Load

Becoming a mother has been the most rewarding and challenging experience to date.  As a child, I wondered why my mom was often stressed out and sometimes short tempered.  Fast forward thirty years, and now I totally understand. She was consumed and overwhelmed by the mental load.  

I define the Mental Load as the organization of life for all the humans and animals that reside in your home.  To inhabitants of the household, this phenomenon doesn’t exist. It only lives in the mind of the mother.  

Here are a few examples:

1. The children are hungry and “poof” just like magic food appears!
2. My spouse asks for a misplaced item and “poof” it’s found!
3. Doctor’s appointments somehow get placed.
4. Old clothes find the way into labeled bins and moved to storage.
5. New clothes replace the old clothes in drawers.

Ok, I think you get the idea, right?  

Mother’s seem to always get the brunt of the Mental Load like it’s a badge of honor or rite of passage. We take on EVERYTHING that happens in our home and even have to delegate the help we need. It is completely overwhelming and virtually impossible to master.  How can we organize and support the needs of our children, spouses, and ourselves (yes, we are in there too) without getting burned out? I am going to share a few of my tricks for Managing the Mental Load.

Food Shopping and Meal Prep

Whether you are a stay at home mom or a mom that works outside the home, GROCERY SHOPPING SUCKS! We all hate it but it is the most important thing we manage.  You can easily spend hours on this task alone: from selecting a menu for the week; choosing healthy kid friendly options; completing inventory of the fridge and pantry; making a list; then actually shopping and purchasing the food.  Here is how I tackle food shopping and meal prep.

1. Order Groceries Online

This can be done from almost any store nowadays.  Not all stores deliver, but most local grocery stores have curbside pick-up.  This eliminates the step of actually spending time in the store, saving you at least 1-2 hours in your week (can we say long bath?).  I personally use Amazon Fresh which delivers right to my door same day.  Another delivery option is Instacart, which is connected to several local grocery stores in your area.  You can place your order using your phone while sitting at a track meet, soccer game, or waiting room at the doctor’s office.  Multitasking is the key to this game, so always maximize your time wisely.

     2. Cook Once per Week

My mom always cooked a few meals on Sunday after church.  I loved Sunday dinner because there were so many options for food and I LOVE to eat.  Now, I realize that was her way of managing meal prep. After having my daughter, I began doing the same exact thing.  I plan out three meals and cook enough for about 10 servings each. Then we alternate the meals for lunch and dinner throughout the week.  So, we are saving money by packing a lunch, there are a variety of food options, and I have saved about 5-10 hours in my week.

     3.  Use Slow Cookers or Pressure Cookers

I have four slow cookers that I use on heavy rotation.  My large one can be set for time, temperature, and will automatically turn on warm when the cooking cycle is completed. The three-in-one slow cooker is my favorite kitchen appliance of all time because you can prepare three full meals at once! You can cook almost anything in these guys, and it always tastes like perfection! All you need to do is chop up your veggies, season your meat, add some stock (there’s always stock), mix it all up and set the time. With my four pots, I have four ready made dishes in about 6 hours while I am away from the kitchen. Saturday Night, I will prep my veggies and marinate the meat. Sunday morning before church, I add everything to the pots. By Sunday evening, dinner is done for the entire week! With this method, I don’t waste an entire day cooking, but I have still achieved my goal. #winning

Scheduling

This might be the most difficult task of the mental load, and the number of children you have increases the insanity of the whole thing. Organization is the only way to survive navigating schedules successfully.  My trick for scheduling is creating a color-coded monthly calendar. This should be a dry erase calendar that hangs on your wall in the common area that each person MUST pass frequently throughout the day.  Use a different color for each member of the family, and then have one color for family events. I use the school calendar, my spouse’s personal calendar, and my calendar to create the master schedule.  This way everyone in the house has a bird’s eye view of what is happening daily and within the month. My husband hated it at first and refused to hang it, but now he lives and breathes by it. Another perk is that I don’t have to answer questions like, “what time is practice?”, or “are we busy this weekend?” all I have to say is, look at the calendar.

Delegating Help

This part of the mental load is challenging for me because I often would rather just do the task myself than ask someone else.  I know that “if I complete the work” it will get finished “correctly” and in a timely manner. However, this causes more frustration because I feel like I have to do EVERYTHING. My husband and I determined roles and responsibilities for the household and I realized that I had to relinquish my need to control everything.  Each member of the family has household chores and I refuse to complete tasks that are not mine. With this comes patience, because your family will not complete the chores in the time and manner that you wish (this is the part where you let go of control). I refuse to remind my husband or nag him about these tasks, I have to trust him to do the work and also be OK with the laundry piling up. Now, the kids MUST be reminded and nagged because you are raising a child to be a highly functional adult.  My oldest child is five, so I am slowly adding to her list of chores each year.  Once I committed myself to delegating and receiving help, I found more time to actually relax.

Mama’s, my hope is that you find some solace in managing the lives of many.  Our families are our divine blessings, even though they can drive us crazy most days.  These tips should save you at least 10 -15 hours per week, use it for yourself!